Three months

Today marks three months since Emily passed away. I went to sleep last night and woke up this morning thinking about her. You know, I feel like I should be more depressed but I know Emily would have hated that.

Instead, I move forward with life, cleaning the deck, getting ready to add to pizzazz to it with new stain. I taught Katy today how to ride a bike without any training wheels or help. :) We went to the skate park and watch Gabe try and do a half-pike. Afterwards, Gabe, Katy and I went and ate ice cream from Ben and Jerry’s (one of Em’s favorite foods) and toasted her life with chocolate. We just sat, watched the fountain and all the people gathered around it and talked about their favorite “Aunt Em” stories.

Life to me to so precious, I think that more so after Emily's death. I almost feel like if you take life for granted, if you wallow in your own fears and short comings you are asking for bad karma to come your way. I guess that is the “damn optimist” in me. I have three friends right now that are all dealing with their fathers' having cancer and I think – Thank God all mine and Mike’s parents are healthy. I am so happy that a have a close relationship with all my families – no matter what state or country they are in.

I see friends who have a disabled child and I am so grateful my children are both happy and healthy. I am happy most days for the life I have. And if I wake up and wish for more I just try to remember to be thankful for what I have.

I wish Emily could have lived a long life. I would have loved to see us as old ladies – regaling stories of our youth. I understand she watches over Noah and Ashleigh like she never could have before. I am happy she finally has the peace and love she sought for so long.

“A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.”
written en route for the funeral of, Ronnie Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

I still miss you Em – but just know I feel your presence at the strangest times and know you are okay.